As you can probably tell from the lack of posts regarding my “running,” I’ve fallen completely off the wagon.
Again.
I was on a roll for a few weeks there and then the combination of lack of sleep, a brief reintroduction of various unhealthy stress relievers, and simple laziness got the best of me. First it was: “Ah, it’s just one missed short run this week. I’ll be extra good next week.” and then it was: “But I don’t wanna to go out for 5 hours by myself.” And before you knew it I hadn’t run for three four weeks. By that point no amount of internal pleading could pry me away from the computer. Not even a quickly approaching date to run a 1/2 marathon with my Running Partner In Crime.
The week before the 1/2 marathon, I actually thrust myself so far off the wagon that I bought a pack of cigarettes. Well, of course I didn’t buy them because that would mean I left the house, but I managed to get the cigarettes anyways along with several six-packs of your finest seasonal beers and, after putting the baby to sleep, I spent every night that week chain smoking and drinking beer out on the balcony thinking about life and the future and all that stupid idealistic bullshit that runs through your head when you have a good buzz. If I were really thinking, however, I would have maintained that buzz until well after we finished the 1/2 because that race was THE most mentally and physically challenging athletic event I have ever tortured myself with.
WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? And why didn’t anyone try to stop me?
I fully expected to be physically sore after forcing my body to “run” 13.1 miles with little to no training beforehand but I just didn’t realize how mentally challenging it would be to continually try and find the motivation to complete the next mile when every cell in my body was clearly screaming at me to stop.
I was surprised at just how long 13.1 miles actually is and even more surprised that the particular 1/2 marathon we registered for is mostly uphill. (!*!>@.) For the first few miles, I was peppy and excited to be out in the fresh morning air and especially to be out with My Running Partner in Crime doing something we have talked about for years. But by Mile 2 my adrenaline surplus had totally run out and I was ready to be finished already and go home. By Mile 3, my stomach was growling so I ate my granola bar and we spent the next few miles discussing what type of hamburger we were going to eat after the race. At Mile 5, there was a surge of energy as we started to catch up with other runners and picking them off. Half a mile later we realized the racers we were picking off were MARATHONERS that were actually lapping us. At Mile 7, I was questioning the event staff if the finish line was around the next corner. Miles 8 through 11 seemed to be all uphill and delirium kicked in. By Mile 12 I felt blisters forming on the bottom of my feet, the muscles of my lower stomach were painfully sore (a consequence of growing a 9 lb baby in mah belly?), and I was certain that we had mistakenly taken the full marathon course. The last mile felt as if it were never going to end and along with my physical and mental pain I had little patience for the nauseously happy event staff that directed us literally through town while chanting “just around two more corners,” “just across the bridge,” and “just a bit more” (and If I hadn’t lost my breath back at Mile 9 I would have screamed back at them to “Just shove it up your ass”.). But somehow, eventually, we made it to the end and I have never been so happy to be back in a crowd full of sweaty people.
So, nine months after birthing my first child with little training beforehand and my lungs freshly charred: I finally crossed the finish line of a 1/2 marathon in 3:43:55. Sure, I’m not breaking any records with that time (except I didn’t actually check to see what the slowest 1/2 marathon time is . . . so maybe I did!?) but the feel good moment is I did, WE DID IT!, and if I/we ever decide to do it again it can only get better from here on out. Maybe next time I’ll even practice a little bit beforehand too. Maybe.
